Law and Order Part 2

Law and Order
Part 2

Kids need boundaries. I love this quote from Thomas Sowell, “Each new generation born is in effect an invasion of civilization by little barbarians, who must be civilized before it is too late.” Preach it Thomas! When involved in ministry to children, you know they are barbarians in need of civilizing. And of course it doesn't happen just by chance. Without limits or boundaries, children will naturally gravitate towards misbehavior, for the most part. Part 1 talked about the four rules we've implemented over the years. Of course, for us, these rules have been exactly what we needed to bring order to situations that were sometimes on the verge of chaos. But the rules cannot work alone.
Peanut butter and jelly. Salt and pepper. Hot dogs and green chili. Rules must have a complement, a vital second part that when missing leaves rules without any power. That's were the consequences come in. Consequences are good, they help shape a child and they give a child a reasonable understanding of when they are close to or have crossed a line. Rules without consequences only confuse and enable children to make unwise choices.
Whenever a child breaks a rule, there is a consequence with an increasing level of "uncomfortableness." And so here are the four consequences and an explanation of each.
First time a child breaks a rule, they receive a Warning. Take a moment to explain why they are receiving a warning, ie. they were talking, not paying attention. And then go on with your lesson, don't dwell on the situation, just remember little Johnny has received a warning.
The next time little Johnny breaks a rule, he receives Strike One. Again, taking a moment to explain why. An added level of uncomfortableness is that I do remind the child that the next time they break a rule, the consequence becomes much more severe. And then go on with your teaching.
Strike Two is when life gets interesting for little Johnny. When he breaks another rule, then the consequence is moving. At this point, I feel a "new" environment is in order, so Johnny is now moved to a new seat either next to another leader, or if you have boy and girl sections, Johnny would get moved to an OUT OF THE WAY seat on the girls side, little Janey gets moved to an OUT OF THE WAY seat on the boys side. This is severe so do what you can to minimize the impact on both the child being moved and the children he or she now is sitting near. I do again remind the child that the next time he breaks a rule, then he is choosing to receive the most severe consequence, Strike Three.
Strike Three means that when a parent comes to pick up, the parent, the child receiving Strike Three and me (and if possible the leader who gave Strike Three) will be having a little conference to let dad or mom know about the child's unwise choices. Surprisingly, whether in inner-city or suburbia, parents always have received well the information about their child. Part of the conference is reaffirming with little Johnny that we do love him, care about him and want him to be a part of our time, but the rules need to be followed.
A child receiving Strike Three because they deserve it is life changing in a couple of ways. The child knows their actions will bring consequences, an understanding children need to be reminded of pretty much constantly. Also, the child's peers realize the leader is serious about everyone following the rules. I've seen it happen a number of times when peers managed to barely get by without receiving the last consequence, they toed the line immediately when one of their own was not as fortunate.
I give you and leaders I train the same guarantee. If you are experiencing behavior problems and the child does not have severe special needs issues (another future post), implementing Rules and following through with the Consequences will change your life. You will bring order to a chaotic situation and I promise you AND the children will be blessed. Children need boundaries.

A few important items to consider:
If a child deserves a consequence, they MUST receive it. Not following through erodes respect, not a good thing.
New service, new scenario means four more chances. Don't carry over warnings or strikes for more than one service.
Review the Rules and Consequences before every teaching time, small group, outing, etc... Really, it takes about two minutes to review lightheartedly.
Never, ever embarrass; do everything within your power to lessen the chance of a child being embarrassed in front of their peers. Some embarrassment is going to take place no matter what, just don't excacerbate it.
I make a deal with the kids, unless they receive strike three, I won't talk to their parents about their behavior. I see it as holding up my end of a bargain. I don't want to make an issue of a child receiving a warning or a couple of strikes.
But if a child is constantly receiving Strike Two, I will say to them the next time they receive Strike Two I will let their parents know.
Keep an eye on militant leaders. Sometimes folks like the godlike power of giving out consequences. Keep them in check and or gently move them on to another ministry, like the choir.
And lastly, if you implement Rules and Consequences, you must follow through. I know, I said this already, but it's vital.

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Wayne